Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Advice Fail

This post is in its original, ugly, first draft state.  
Given the subject matter, it felt appropriate to leave it messy and honest.  


Some days, things go really well.
I feel on top of things.
The house is clean.
The people & animals who live here are clean, fed, and happy.
The workflow . . . flows.

Other days, everything grinds to a halt.
We're all dirty and angry and nothing gets done.
In fact, the to-do list grows into an insurmountable pile of dusty anxiety.
I cry.  Sometimes a little.  Sometimes a lot.

I feel like a failure.

You see, I started this blog to give an honest portrayal of what our lives looked like as homeschoolers.  In the beginning, I wanted to show our path as new homeschoolers.  Now, I continue with the site to show how we've grown, how we've changed, and how we still fumble along the way.

Some days, during those good days, I have the energy to organize thoughtful posts.
I play cheerleader and encourage you all to put one foot in front of the other.
Because that's what I do.
Mostly.

But it never fails that soon after I publish a really meaty post, I fall on my face.
Splat.
I realize that we haven't been doing any of the things I said we do, and I haven't been doing any of the things I encourage all of you to do.
I realize that some days
I am a big, fat fraud.

But you know what?
That's ok.

It's ok to have a bad day or week or month.

It's ok to say, "Crap, I can't get anything done, let's take a break and regroup."

It's ok to realize it's spring and the house is a mess and the kids are playing in the mud and there's no way you're going to get any work done because it's finally warm and you all want to spend the day outside.

It's ok.


That realization has been part of my own journey.
The realization that plans will change and no matter what amazing new learning path you've found or what really useful/awesome/efficiency-building habit you're working on at the moment, there will be days filled with mud and sunshine and laughter.
Enjoy them.
Dry your tears, pocket your frustrations, and forget that there are only 5-6 weeks left in your planned school year.
Take a breath, enjoy the day/week, and forget about your "failures" for a moment.
Then, once you've had a chance to recharge, come back and resume your projects or clean your house or tackle the next baby step.

I am not a fraud or a failure.
I am a beautiful but flawed human.
I rock.

Guess what?  You rock, too.

4 comments:

  1. Well, you know what life has been like here lately. Life is not always pretty. We do the best we can with what we have on any given day. Some days I don't have much left over. Other days I make up for that. Ebb and flow, always. I think we are all savvy enough (or we should be) to realize that nobody has an ideal, perfect life. I'm grateful for people who share what works for them; I don't presume that they're skipping through daisies singing every day though. ;)

    So no, you're not a fraud, or a failure. But I never thought you were!

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  2. you do rock! perfection isn’t possible. stumbling is the only way to get through. it’s still beautiful. xoxoxo

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  3. You are absolutely not a fraud and have not failed. Encouragement and Ideals give me something to strive for, and Real Life posts make me feel less alone in my own sucky-ness. You're great. I am tearing up, goshdarnmenopausehormones.

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  4. I can really identify with this post. I think the ebb and flow of homeschooling, especially project work has been my hardest adjustment to this HS life. There are times I beat myself up and feel like a big fail but when I get a little perspective I can weed out exactly what has been going on... It is still tough but helps to step back a bit.
    Thanks for sharing this raw look at life with homeschooling kiddos!

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